i gave a lot of thought before i started to write this and even as i wrote i keep having doubts about whether i should be writing this or not. the thing is that as most bloggers, we all have some kind of line between what we want to share and what we wish to keep to ourselves. some bloggers will not share anything about their private lives, others lift the curtain a little bit, and others choose to share their lives as an open book. i think most of you that read this blog know a lot about me, more than i have in my mind maybe. but if i feel comfortable with it, that is not a problem at all. i like this to be an honest blog as well. and if i didn’t take part on that honesty wave that was around (things i’m afraid to tell you), it’s because i already share what i think i should share and this blog isn’t a window for a perfect life of this gal. you know the efforts behind what i do, what i strive for every day, what i feel like when mr twiggs is away, when i’m tired and need a break… i share what i think i should share. and today i wanted to share a little bit of something that is hurting me.
someone i really cared about, loved so much… passed away yesterday due to cancer.
and though this wasn’t the first time this disease took someone relatively close, it was the first time it took someone so close. someone i spent vacations with, someone that took care of me when i was young, someone that always had a smile, a beautiful blue eyes, tender in each one of them, a beautiful blond hair and caring soul. and it’s sad, so sad to realize that i’m not going to talk to her again, hear her laugh, her voice… and it’s terrible to think that from a certain age, it’s more likely to start losing people that you love, because they are not young anymore. losing my grandparents was tough, but they were old (94 and 96) and i was 18 at that time. so at that age, we feel sad, we cry, but we expect that to happen. starting to lose other members of the family when you’re older is tougher. so i’ll take a few days off and will be back soon. thank you for your understanding!
Sanda says
SO sorry for you lost…take some time ,cry if you feel like,sort your thoughts…and we will be here waiting for you
twiggs says
thank you my sweet friend, you are always so supportive!
Isabel Marques says
um beijinho!
twiggs says
obrigada minha querida!
macu (Joana) says
Força!..*
twiggs says
;) beijinho grande!
Traveling Mama says
Sweet Twiggs! I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. My heart is so saddened. May you find comfort even in your grief. Love and very big hugs!
twiggs says
thank you so much lovely tina! you are so sweet and always close when i need! a huge hug to you as well!
Teresa {Amor às Riscas} says
Oh sweet miss Twiggs, I’m so, so sorry for your loss :(
I believe taking your time to heal is the best thing you can do right now. Time helps with the pain. It really, really does. Take it from someone who lost her dad when she was 9 and her mom when she was 19. Both to that same horrible disease. One thing that helped me, was being surrounded by family and friends who, every single day, made a point to remember them for who they were before cancer. We made sure their memory would never be defined by the disease. It only made sense to remember them for them and not something that happened to them. Am I making sense? I really hope so.
Death is such a definite concept. And yes, what hurts the most is that notion of never again hearing their voice, feeling their touch, being in their presence. It hurts like hell! It does. And it will get better. But, sadly, it will never go away.
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you can get to the “hurting less” part of the journey, as soon as you can. But don’t rush it. Take as long as you need. We will be right here when you feel like you’re ready to come back.
I hope that by sharing my story, I helped you just a little tiny bit.
hugs&kisses for you, my dear. Bucket loads of them!
twiggs says
sweet teresa, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. opening your heart like that to me meant a lot, and i can hardly imagine your pain. losing your parents at such young age must have been really tough for you. and i think you are absolutely right, it’s about thinking about the before, the good things, the smiles, the voice tone, the laughing, the moments… and accepting as well. hugs and kisses for you too my dear!!! ;)
sara (sushi lover) says
:( força e um beijinho!
twiggs says
obrigada sara! um beijinho grande!
Little Nan says
I lost my mum almost 4 years ago to that horrible, terrible disease too. Why can’t we find a cure? Think happy memories always. My thoughts are with you at this sad time. x
twiggs says
hello my dear! thank you for your wishes and i’m also sorry to hear about your loss. it’s incredible that this disease has taken so many in the world and no one seems to find a way to stop it for good. i’m with you on the happy memories!
suzie says
I’m so sorry for your loss, dear Claudia…take the time you need and take good care xx
twiggs says
thank you friend! a kiss and a hug!
Sheila Sim says
Dear Twiggs, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m thinking about you at this sad time, and sending you lots of love through this funny old internet that brings strangers together… xxx
twiggs says
thank you so much sheila!**
Susana says
keep the cool and take your time. big kiss*
twiggs says
sweet miss s, thank you for your love and kind words!! kisses to you as well!
MissLilly says
ohhh that’s so hard!! We never know, one day we are close and having amazing moments with those we love, the other they are gone, without having a chance to say goodbye. That’s why I think it’s important we never forget the good memories we have from our dear ones, so that they can live inside our hearts. I’m really sorry for your loss dear. Always remember her with a smile, so she can live through your smile, through your beautiful memories
twiggs says
hello miss lilly! you are so right! i keep thinking about the last time i sat with her and talked to her. did i hug her? did i make it clear that i loved her? well, i think she knows that i do and as you say she’ll be here through our happy memories with her!! hugs!